.. all in all ..

wow. April 1st. Date of the last post. How long ago was that?

All sorts of records have been broken. Never really had the feel and urge to blog. I'm all heart and emotions (hence blog title) and today, there was enough to move me to post this entry.

So many things going on around. At times i feel like i'm peddling upstream and going nowhere but yet things are moving under the water. Strange and weird metaphor / analogy but that's how i feel. Pretty disturbed by some recent events and the sadest part is i feel great in one direction but my heart drops when i turn around. It's like saving a man by killing another man who is trying to kill him. Doing something good by doing something bad. Vice versa.

Semi mid-life crisis? Possible. Heck i don't even know how to define the phrase. Busier times ahead. Our site is scheduled for soft-launch in early November. Watch this space as we unveil the next big thing on the net. At least that is what we are aiming for. For the benefit of the community nonetheless.

Getting our office space finalized as well. Already planning to finally get my own car next year (mum finally pulled the trigger lol) and in the closing stages of purchasing my first property on my own. It's 2 years late but better than never they would like to say.

In my current melancholic mood the logical layer of my mind is so thin i almost burst it all by buying 3 lots of the same property. I was just so fed-up it took me so long to finally act and wanted to compensate by buying 3! As always mum talked sense back into my thick skull. Off to look for other investment opportunities then.

My long debate and war with God had a pretty good twist lately. Let's say God definately has humour. If you're reading this Father (we all know you are!) STOP messing with my head! He's awesome. God really is. It's his people (not all of course) that i can't stand. Apa macam? Macam mana bikin?

Also recently spent a lot of time researching and reading on the New World Order conspiracy. Very interesting. If you have 2 hours watch this video. My perception of Obama had a 180 degree u-turn.









WIll stop here for now. Hopefully the next post will not take another 5+ months.

All the best to you. Trust me you'll need it. The world is screwed.

-phiL-

*cannot imagine anyone stll dropping by lol. Except for the 2 nice people polite enough to subscribe :)*

.. Signs ..

A simple short film about communication

.. Fifty People, One Question | Short Film ..

.. updates & some stuff to share ..

eLLLLLOoooooo (to the tune of Achmed the Dead Terrorist) ^^

It's been really really a while. Typical of me. But i'll reward you for dropping by. For keeping the faith.

Some quick updates before i share some awesome stuff with you:

- currently back at my old company - back at regional work & yes, more work work work
- better pay of course. :)
- started own company with 3 very very old friends (15 years!)
- working on our world domination plans
- so it's 5 & 1/2 days of regular work & 1 &1/2 days on the business. Where got time to crap...
- 3rd year anni coming soon for Jo-Yee & i. Woot! Woot! I love this girl man, more than ever!

- i lost a bit of weight! muahaha yes yes I did it! moreee!!!

Ok - done with the updates - here are some awesome stuff i would like to share as promised:


Yuna - Deeper Conversation

My ears have not been fed with such awesome vocals for a long time. AND she is local. Malaysian. Cheers Yuna!



Sophie Balls - The Beard Song

Original. Chuckles. Nice tone.

The Love of Tan Hong Ming

Pure innocent love.

Hilarious clips of Booby Lee from MADTv. LMAO

Bobby Lee as Kim Jung IL - The North Korean Dictator feat. Donald Trump



Bobby Lee in 24 feat. John Cho (Harold & Kumar fame)



Bobby Lee as a North Korean Scientiest. Laugh all your hairs off!



Hope you enjoy the clips. Cheers!

phiL

.. 2008 Review ..

Wow. How time flies. It’s already the 6th day of the New Year & I’ve yet to do what I do annually – my past year reviews & New Year resolutions and goals!

I won’t even bother referring back to 2008 – I bet I hardly achieved any goals or kept any resolutions. In fact, I think I did the opposite. I set out to lose weight. The weighing machine is either spoilt or my belly has indeed increased its radius.

The only notable goal I’ve managed to accomplish is to increase me income & made some substantial financial investments. Unfortunately the asset column is still stuck as it was in 2007. But for good reason. With the current economic situation and this year’s forecast all gloomy and doomy I’m almost 99.99% sure some progress will be made. I probably won’t give Warren Buffet a run for the money but action will be taken. Opportunities galore!

Without further a due, 2008’s review:


Best Movies:

Transformers (it’s like seeing your old child hood friend brought to life on the big screen – Optimus Prime gave continuous machinegasms)

The Dark Knight (one name: Heath Ledger – RIP)

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People. (Farnie as ELL)


Best Songs:

Estelle feat. Kanye West – American Boy

David Cook’s cover of Cornell’s version of Billie Jean

Pussy Cat Dolls – I Hate This Part


….. Can’t think much… haaaa…. I’ll post my goals and resolutions next time – attending a formal course on setting goals etc this Sat so should b timely.

Till then,

.. The Celebrity Apprentice & Me ..

It's the season to be jolly. It's Christmas Eve! Had a great time with Jo-Yee in Singapore over the weekend. We walked and shopped till we literally dropped. I'm broke now. But with a smile. :). I guess working hard for the money was really worth it looking back....

I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. That's what i usually do when i'm free - not working and having loads of time to kill. I'm very self-critical. One of the major questions i've been asking myself is - how much have i changed since i started working. Oh, and the changes in my relationship with previously very close friends...

I probably know the answers subconsciously but I didn't really want to dig it up for fear that I had taken the wrong path.

That is... until this morning!I spent the whole AM watching the 7th season of The Apprentice - THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE

I couldn't and wouldn't stop. And I was drawn deeper and closer to one of the contestants. Let's identify him as contestant A. He was the most hated person in the 14 celebrity strong team. He executed actions to 'grey-area' perfection and the others took offence or questioned his integrity eventhough technically it was not wrong. He stood alone when everyone and even the whole country was against him and he never wavered.

It was because he had 1 goal. He wanted to make as much money as possible for his charity. He knew his noble cause. He didn't care what others think of him as long as his charity benefited. He suffered verbal abuse beyond imaginable tolerance, which included negative statements about his children.

I rooted for him since the beginning. I confided in him. I looked up to him. I related to him.... i related to him....

It's story of my life the past couple of years - standing alone most of the time against everyone else - being hated and disliked, being isolated and attacked verbally, from the people whom I thought i could trust and believe in, which broke my heart and caused hurt to the point where I have just closed myself up from all openings.

I never wavered. I never compromised myself. I knew deep down inside the goal i was striving for. I know I never meant to harm anyone and never deliberately went out to do so. I'm crying out to be understood but I'm past that stage now. I don't give a cow's tail anymore. I am what I am. I do what I have to do. The results and records speak for themselves. Just like this celebrity apprentice contestant.

I support his style. His actions. Going up against all these hypocrites who keep saying 1 thing and doing the other. I rather stab someone right at the forehead face to face looking in his/her eyes than conspire a backstab. I'm no longer more the super nice, friendly, diplomatic Phileo 4-5 years ago. I'm out-spoken now. I voice up something when i see it's not right.

Don't go preaching about being a person with higher moral values - like contestant B.

This hypocrite is interesting. He claims to be a born again Christian, has his own ministry and preaches on Sundays. Everytime he opens a statement to defend himelf he goes by saying "I will not do this, do that, bla bla as it is not practised in my religion and it is not in the values of my beliefs".

And then in the show he does exactly the opposite. I feel like puking.And this guy keeps backstabing the contestant i idolized. The funny thing is, contestant A trys to reconcile the bad relationships and even takes him into his team. But contestant B who claims to be so holy always back-stabs as a way of saying thank you. Another typical scenario in my life. I don't understand these people. This guy B is really dumb. There are cameras recording every event and conversation, and still he brings all the hypocrisy out. It's his nature i guess.

How did contestant A reply to all these forces against him? He simply kept winning. And raised more money. And kept winning. "Success is the best form of revenge" - best quote of the century.

Finally, on the final episode Donald Trump had to choose the winner between contestant A and contestant C - who is the nicest guy in the whole competition. It was billed as:

Good VS Evil (a bit harsh - should probably be Nice VS Witty)

Soft-spoken VS Direct-in-your-face

Laid Back VS Hustle

I saw it as:

Old Phileo VS New Phileo.

And in many ways i was vindicated when contestant A was the winner. He was right. Know your goal. Focus on the prize. Who cares what others think. In the end the one person's opinion who mattered counts. For this case it was Donald Trump. ANd i'm proud of his decision. No wonder I'm reading his books and look up to him. I would've burned them if C won over A. Haaa!

It wasn't all that gloomy though. For contestant A, the beautiful and original supermodel Carol Alt was one of the few who stood by him. Again I apply the same in my life. Jo-Yee you're my support and comfort though these though personal times. We will get through this.

Congratulations Piers Morgan for winning The Celebrity Apprentice.

Your victory is not only for yourself and and your charity. It's also for people like me. *thumps chest with fist twice*. Eyes on the prize. Goal in sight. Here I come.

MERRY CHRISTMAS :)

.. case in point ..

Big week for me, for various very personal reasons. Got a comment last week that my blog is all gloomy and doomy & I couldn't agree more.

It's that stage in life.

In one of the previous posts i was talking about friends or rather the lack of it and I have encountered a perfect example - i just found out lately a few of my closest buddies, some whom i've known more than two-thirds of my life (since primary school) had a guys night out without extending the invitation to yours truly. It's a small issue right? Nothing to make noise about right? I mean it's just a outing. No biggie....

Yeah, i was hoping it was so - that's it's nothing. But it hurt like hell. I may not be the most likeable person or the most approachable for the matter but for the guys to just wipe me off? Ouch.

Some background info; it's not the first time. I put these guys right at the top of my social friendship pyramid and really treasure them for all they are worth but yet despite numerous times of thicking my own face-skin by self-inviting myself or hinting that they should get me in I'm still being treated like an outcast. Funny, I always get a call when they need me. Especially when it's beneficial to them. They always call me "Bro", Yo Man", and stuff when I have something they want or need. I always turned a blind eye and like a drug addict kept forgiving and going back because i truly thought they were my best buddies.

I guess the final cord in me that was still holding out vainly in hope that I was still in this close group of friends finally snapped. I don't care no more. I'm sick of being hurt like this as if I have no feelings. As if i am only around to provide benefits to them. It's pretty similar a couple of years ago when my closest group of Christian friends did the same. So heck, Christian or not, humans will be humans.

So tell me, what's there left in friendships? No one can accuse me of being negative - i've had people call me 'Bro-in-Christ' and people whom i've known for over 15 years and they all treat me the same. Like thrash. Of course I know there are gems among you who accept me for who i am and know how much i treasure friendships. You know who you are, and I of course know who you are. Thank you. I appreciate you.

Perhaps it's time to move on, and rid of all these #%*$#$%%&s.

Forgiving has never been a problem for me. THe hard part is forgetting. I'll try.